Custody vs. Parenting

Let’s clear something up: custody and parenting aren’t interchangeable terms. They’re more like the difference between owning the car and knowing how to drive it.

Custody (now called decision-making) is the legal side of things. It’s the court’s way of saying, “This person gets to make the big decisions,” like schooling, medical care, and whether little Joey gets a phone before college. It has nothing to do with the amount of time you spend with your kids. There is a presumption of joint custody or joint decision-making if the parties lived together after the kids were born, meaning parties are expected to work together to make the big decisions jointly. Sole custody or sole decision-making is as it sounds; one parent calls all the shots, but this is only awarded in exceptional circumstances.

Parenting, on the other hand, is how the kids’ time is apportioned as between their parents. Parenting comes in three flavours: primary residence with one parent, shared parenting (which is roughly equal time with each parent) and split parenting (where each parent has one or more kids primarily). The latter is very uncommon. There is no presumption of shared parenting, and what parenting arrangement is appropriate is entirely based on the kids’ best interests.

Bottom line: custody is authority; parenting is time. The court gives one. The kid remembers the other.