How I Approach Family Mediation

When people think about mediation, they sometimes picture a neutral third party sitting between two people, passing proposals back and forth and encouraging everyone to compromise.

That can be part of mediation. But it isn’t the only way to mediate and it isn’t the way I approach my practice.

An Active Approach to Mediation

I tend to take an active and evaluative approach to family mediation. That means I don’t make decisions for the parties, and I don’t act as either person’s lawyer. The ultimate decisions remain with them.

But neutrality does not require a mediator to be passive.

Part of my role is to ask difficult questions, identify the issues that are actually preventing resolution and help parties realistically assess their positions. Where appropriate, that can include discussing the legal principles that apply, exploring the strengths and weaknesses of different positions, and reality-testing proposed outcomes.

After practising family law for many years, I have seen how disputes are negotiated, litigated and ultimately decided. I believe that experience can be useful in mediation.

Sometimes People Need More Than a Messenger

Family law disputes often involve uncertainty. A party may have received legal advice but still have difficulty assessing risk. Positions can become entrenched. Sometimes the disagreement is less about what either person actually needs and more about differing expectations of what would happen if the matter went to court.

An effective mediation process should create room to examine those assumptions.

That doesn’t mean predicting exactly what a judge will do. Family law rarely offers that kind of certainty. It means helping parties understand the range of possible outcomes, the practical consequences of continuing the dispute, and whether there may be a reasonable resolution available now.

Resolution Still Belongs to the Parties

One of the most important differences between mediation and court is that the mediator does not impose the outcome.

Even in an evaluative mediation process, the parties remain responsible for deciding whether to settle and on what terms. They can obtain independent legal advice throughout the process, and no one is required to accept a mediator’s assessment or suggestion.

My goal is not to pressure people into settlement. It is to make the mediation process useful.

For some families, that means improving communication. For others, it means narrowing the issues. And sometimes it means having a candid conversation about risk, cost and what a realistic resolution might look like.

There is no single approach to mediation that works for every family. I believe the process should respond to the dispute and to what the parties need in order to make informed decisions.

Sometimes that requires listening.

Sometimes it requires challenging.

And often, it requires both.